Talk Like A Pro
5 Tips On Effective Communication That Will Make The Difference
I don't know how many problems I could have avoided if I only came to realize this before…
Effective communication is THE one habit that can change your whole life- for the better or for the worse. Now here’s the deal: The things that you choose to say and the way how you express them determines the quality of your relationships. I myself faced countless arguments and fights with people around me that could have been avoided with close to no efforts.
However, there was always somebody else to blame…
Now that point of view will not get anyone anywhere! The truth is you should always search your own heart when you are encountering disputes and quarrels. I know exactly that it's easier said than done. After all our precious egos tell us to blame others for our own faults. The good news here is that it takes nothing more than the right knowledge and some practice in order to change the way you interact with others forever. I’m here to provide you with the knowledge- the practice part you will have to do on your own.
Applied correctly the following tips on effective communication will turn into a massive game-changer for you and the quality of your relationships. Independently if you are looking to establish closer ties with your friends and family or if you want to improve your professional communication- the following lines will guide you there. Let's get it on:
#1 Listen, Listen And Then Listen Even More Closely
“Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding.”
-Dale Carnegie-
Curiously in order to turn into a good communicator, you will have to learn to shut up in the very first place. While that might seem a paradox, the reasoning behind this is that we are usually way more occupied with what we say next than listening to our counterpart's message.
Don’t be confused here: You may listen to the words of your interlocutor however that doesn’t mean you get the meaning of those words. Usually, this leaves a lot of space for misunderstandings. Untrained communicators react way too fast to their counterpart's statements and thus will cause a spiral of miscommunication based on false assumptions and their very own interpretation of each scenario.
This may happen when you talk to strangers as when you talk with people close to you. After all, I could have avoided uncountable tense situations if only realized that my point of view is not necessarily the only correct one.
In that sense, your first lesson is to talk less, listen more and allow yourself plenty of room for interpretation. The right approach here is to study and apply active listening. In case this still does not work for you consider step two...
#2 Ask Questions- A Lot
“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” -Toni Robbins-
“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” -Toni Robbins-
If something somebody says to you does not remain 100% clear then asks open questions in the sense of :
- How do you mean this?
- How do you come to this conclusion?
- What are you most concerned about?
- How can we solve this?
- What can I do for you?
Now asking these kinds of questions will have major benefits to the quality of your communications. The more obvious one is that they help you to get a better understanding of what your counterpart really tries to say. Plus on a more subconscious, but no less important level this gives your interlocutor the feeling that you really care about what they have to say.
Now this will open a whole new world to you as you’ll soon recognize that people will open up much more to you than ever. Maybe even more than they actually want to. It will allow you to get to know the true motivations of people's behaviors and why they act as they do.
You see, people by nature have a deep desire to be heard and appreciated.
You don’t necessarily have to agree with them but if you give somebody the feeling of being understood then you build trust with that person and they will tell you everything you want to know.
#3 Label Peoples Words
“Labeling is a way of validating someone's emotion by acknowledging it”
-Chris Voss-
Now I have to give credit to Chriss Voss for this one. His book “Never split the difference” is all about mastering the habit of negotiations. Now a big chunk of negotiation comes down to communicate well. One of those valuable pieces of advice Chris provides us in his book is called labeling. In short, labeling means verbalizing an observation of feelings.
Let’s say your counterpart is apparently mad about something. After making the observation you just limit yourself to say something along the lines of: “You seem to be upset about ….” and that's it!
This might seem to be too easy to be true however the psychological effect this triggers in your interlocutor's brain is fascinating. It makes the person contemplate about their state of mind and by doing so it eliminates any negative connotations. Through proper labeling, you will be able to build solve even the tensest situations in a matter of no time.
#4 Observe Your Non-Verbals
“ You see but you do not observe” -Joe Navarro-
You probably already know that the biggest part of communication consists of body language. Non-verbal behavior works like cookies on the Internet: Without realizing it, our body constantly transmits sensitive information about our intentions, feelings, and personality. Even when we are still or silent, gestures, postures, facial expressions, and appearance speak for us and can be very eloquent.
That being said do yourself a favor and make sure that your body language is well aligned with your words. You might have the best intention and rhetorical skills, however, if your non-verbals are not congruent with what you are saying, then you ultimately will mess it up. Learn more about the mastery of body language by the topics world-leading expert Joe Navarro.
#5 Choose The Right Language
Now, this does not refer to national languages but to opt for a certain type of language style familiar to your counterpart. Allow me to elaborate:
Most of the time people speak their ¡own language and not that of the people listening to them. No one is to judge for that. After all, we cannot be somebody else. However, if you want to be a better communicator consider that the language we use says a lot about ourselves.
We can be arrogant, even pedantic if we use a sophisticated language, incomprehensible to others, that insists on marking distances. But we can also choose to be close and warm if we use language that can be shared with our listeners, looking for anecdotes and examples that they may know.
Choosing the language according to our interlocutors already gives a message in itself: We have thought of them. So next time you speak to somebody try to get a sense of how the person is expressing itself and adapt to that pattern. You’ll be surprised how this simple approach will improve the quality of your conversations.
Closing Remarks
Now get it done by yourself. But don't forget that these techniques are extremely powerful and as the saying goes: “With great power comes great responsibility” Be aware that you can use the above skills for good and for bad as people ultimately will open up and share their inner world with you.
For the sake of being a better person (and for the sake of karma), I ask you to use this knowledge wisely and always for the common good.
Have a happy journey and do not forget to learn a lot, keep smiling and stay always positive!!
