10 Advises On How To Gain Back Control When You’re All Stressed Out
It can be quite difficult to keep a cool head in today’s fast-paced world.
While the rhythm of our life seems to get faster and faster every day we easily get overwhelmed by our own schedules. Chances are that the negative consequences of such a fast-moving environment sound familiar to you; or at least some of them. People struggling with too much stress typically are facing problems both on an emotional and a physical level including:
- Inability to concentrate
- Headaches
- Insomnia
- Procrastination
- Constant worrying
- Consistently low energy levels
If you are experiencing some of those symptoms once in a while you have absolutely no need to worry. Nobody can claim to be a productivity machine and super-balanced at the same time, every time! The one who does is an impostor and insecure when it comes to admitting personal weaknesses. However, the problem arouses when those stress manifestations become dominant and start converting into some serious long-term health issues. Some chronicle stress effects on the body are:
- Depressions
- Cardiovascular problems
- Weakened immune system
- Eating disorders
- Social isolation
After all, if you are feeling overwhelmed and unable to get out of such conditions on your own I highly recommend seeking professional medical help. And don’t be afraid of looking out for support. Trying to sort out this kind of issue on your own would be a mistake. However, there are several effective methods and habits you can integrate into your everyday life which will definitely help you overcome peaks of stress and may prevent you from more serious consequences. That being said allow me to introduce to my personal top list of measures to fight moments of inner tension:
1.Breath Properly
Let’s start off with one of my favorites. And you may think: “Is this guy nuts? Breathing comes all naturally, so why the hell should I bother?” Well, I’m sorry to tell you the opposite is true. We actually tend to focus far too little on how to breathe properly and what impact this could have on our overall wellbeing. Why? Because nobody tells us.
There are quite a few approaches and techniques out there when it comes to breathing correctly but one of my favorite one which guarantees success if done right is called the Box Breathing Technique. It’s such a bulletproof method that it’s even taught bye the Navy SEALs. Being not only effective but also simple you can learn it within no time: It basically consists of:
- Sitting straight on a chair
- Inhale slowly for 4 seconds
- Maintain the breath for another 4 seconds
- Breath out slowly for the same time
- Repeat all over
When done properly you will quickly notice how your body starts calming down. It has no other option. If you want to learn more on proper breathing techniques used and approved by one of the worlds most trained special forces go and check this out.
2. Be The Master Of Your Own Voice
“It only takes one voice, at the right pitch, to start an avalanche..”- Dianna Hardy
Now this one is closely related to the first step plus such effectiveness as of right breathing. I have to give credit to the great Jocko Willink on this who introduced me to this method. I highly recommend watching This Video,
in order to get more insights on the topic but allow me to briefly explain what being the master over your voice actually, means:
When you force yourself to speak in a calm, deep, and slow voice you are actually outsmarting your brain telling it to reframe the current situation. This might seem counterintuitive in a moment of pressure and anxiety but I encourage you to give it a shot the next time you are stressed out and you will soon notice how this method will help you to cool down in even the tensest situations. Plus this has a nice side effect:
You’ll be perceived as much more confident and assertive in your behavior. And if you fear losing control when doing this- forget about it: That’s a false assumption as you soon will figure out that controlling your own voice will soon bring you back to the right track.
3. Exercise Regulary
Ok, ok! I know you’ve heard that one a thousand times. But you also know why? Because the benefits of doing exercises on a regular basis are simply irrefutable. I would go as far as claiming that getting your beautiful butt moving at least 3–4 times in a week, is the one habit that will bring you the most positive results when it comes to your personal wellbeing. This includes fighting- and even more important: Preventing you from stressing out so much.
The best here is that it doesn’t really matter what you do but to be persistent. In that sense you can:
- Do some weightlifting
- Go for a run
- Assign to a boxing club
- Try out some yoga (can be more exhausting than you may think)
- Or even go for a walk if you’re currently not feeling very fit
(however try to move quickly)
The important thing here is to get your heart rate up and higher than it usually would be. Don’t make the mistake to go all-in right at the start as this will only lead you to break up sooner or later. It is much wiser to start off slow but opt for consistency. And don’t make time and excuse: 15 minutes daily will be more than enough for beginners. Once you experience the benefits of regular exercising both on a mental and on a physical level your body will soon start to beg for more.
4. Share Your Thoughts
A common assumption in today’s meritocracy is that we have to desperately solve anything on our own. Showing vulnerability is considered to be taboo. Even if your first instinct might be to isolate when you’re all stressed out please don’t. Shout it out! A short talk with a close friend or family member whom you fully trust can work wonders and prevent you from more serious impacts of continuous stress. So next time your feeling a little overwhelmed just remember: A short coffee break or a phone call with the right person can be a total game-changer, putting things back into perspective again.
5. Consider Some Mindfulness Exercises
Mindfulness turned into a buzzword of today’s society. Somehow it seems to be fancy to implement a mediation or journaling session into our daily routines. Although all these methods have their raison d’etre and can result extremely powerful when done the right way, I think there are more efficient approaches for somebody totally stressed out than to tell her/him to sit still for x minutes a day and just focus on doing nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I am a total fan of meditation but sometimes it’s just not executable enough when one is exhausted.
Instead, try this the next time you’re feeling all stressed out: Do the breathing exercise as stated above and once you calm down a little try to mentally detach from yourself and observe the situation like a neutral bystander would do. Observe your own thoughts and try to not judge the current circumstance from an egocentric point of view. Switching to a third-person perspective will help you to analyze situations of stress or anxiety appropriately and contribute to developing a solution-focused mindset.
This method is also called reframing while you definitely could classify it as a form of meditation I still think it’s a way more suitable approach for people who are finding themselves in an imminent situation of stress. However, if you are keen on developing a long term resilience against stressful situations I recommend the This Blog Post on mindfulness exercises.
Just pick one or two techniques of the list and make them a daily habit.
6. Get Enough Sleep
“Sleep solves everything” - Silent Me-
26 years. This the average time we sleep in our whole life. Yes; this wasn’t a typo: A human being spends about 26 years in the land of dreams. And while this might seem shocking to you, it’s totally necessary for our well-being and overall health. If you do not sleep enough you will ultimately fail on everything else.
With two small kids and a freelance business to maintain, I’ve tried all possible ways to save time on all ends, even this implied sleeping less. However, I wouldn’t recommend anybody to follow such an example. Sleeping is a process that comes naturally and it won’t do you any good to fight against your own nature.
Now you probably know about the official recommendation by health authorities on how many hours of sleep you ideally should get. If not allow me to reiterate: It’s 7–9 hrs on daily basis. Some people may find themselves on the higher end of this average and some may get along with less. But be sure to stick to this frame if you want to perform well during the day. After all, it’s backed up by science.
You may tend to fall into the same trap as I did and think you can achieve more by cutting off some hours of sleep. This may work out for a short period of time but in the long run, I couldn’t think of a single factor that makes me more stressed out than sleep deprivation. Having a little baby to take care of I’m totally aware that sometimes circumstances may not allow you to get enough sleep.
Anyways you should aim to stick with a healthy sleep habit whenever it’s feasible to you. Additionally, try to always go to bed and wake up at the same time. A rigorous sleep schedule will help you to maintain your body’s internal clock. As a result, you will feel more energized, and waking up won’t be such a burden anymore.
7. Define Your Fears
“ Courage is knowing what not to fear..” — Plato
Now this one I borrowed from the king of self-experiments Tim Ferris himself. Ferris presented this idea in a TED Talk about achieving one’s goals. The idea behind this model is pretty simple:
Instead of defining a list of vague goals that we want to achieve (and then postpone indefinitely), we rather should focus on the fears that stop us from accomplishing what we want. Once defined those fears we create one list of actions we could take in order to prevent our fears from turning into reality and one list of steps aimed to repair and solve such cases.
Once meticulously defined every single step you’ll end up with the consciousness that most of our fears are just imaginary and with the peace of mind that you are perfectly prepared for any major obstacles life may come up with.
When it comes to stress and anxiety I think this is an extremely helpful technique to extrapolate as it forces you to anticipate possible stressors in the future and trains your mind to get along with complex situations in a more self-confident and resilient way.
Please find the whole speech on how to properly defining your fears HERE!
8. Accept That You Are Not In Control
Now defining your fears and having a master plan works wonders for your resilience and will lead to better self-control in situations of pressure. However, in the end, you must accept that planning ahead can only help you so far. Life often takes some strange routes and although it’s in our human nature trying to be in the driver’s seat all the time, you ultimately will be confronted with unexpected circumstances.
Think a moment about this: You do not control where you come from or what people think about you. Neither is it in your power to control political occurrences or global crises as we so vividly observed since the current Covid pandemic is influencing our everyday lives.
Now the good news: You do not have to be in control of such things.
Actually, there is only one thing in your life you must dominate: YOUR MIND!
Seriously, you are always choosing how to react to and value certain things that life brings up to. And you also have the power to rewire your brain in order to conceive obstacles in a more empowering and solution-orientated way. In that manner, I highly encourage you to take five minutes and check out this great video of author Marisa Peer on How To Control Your Mind.
Paradoxically the moment you notice that you are not in control of certain things is also a moment of great relief because from that point you are able to fully focus on what’s in your hand!
9. Remember Past Successes
If you followed the last step closely you will notice that you can manipulate your mind to perceive things differently by using positive affirmations. To be exact your brain is programmed to take the things you tell yourself for granted. Now if that’s the case you`d better make positive self-talk a priority. And there is certainly no better way to this than to remember those moments in life when you achieved something or successfully managed to solve a complex situation.
Every one of us has success stories to tell and I’m pretty sure you can think of several moments in life where you overcame a hurdle even if it seemed unbearable to you in the first place. Take me as an example: I work in sales, and sales can often lead to cause a whole lot of pressure, especially when it comes to handling objections by prospects.
You always need to come up with the right answer almost immediately.
As you imagine by nature I’m not always successful and need to cope with failure. However, it helps enormously when I bring former sales to my mind that were a success. Your positive self-talk will result in high confidence and people notice this.
So if you want to take the reins of your life and perform well even under highly tense circumstances then do yourself a favor and take only a few minutes daily to remember the moments in life you were successful and turned the obstacle into an opportunity. This might feel a little awkward in the first place but will boost your confidence and steel yourself for future hindrances.
10. Learn Saying NO
Finally, go easy on yourself and learn that it is not your obligation in life to commit to everything.
I have always had a hard time saying no (like many of you I imagine) and I have found myself doing things I didn’t want to. I have wasted my time, energy and I have ended up in a bad mood.
The thing is if you say yes out of pity, you will end up watching success pass you by, tied to commitments that you did not want to take, but that you can no longer give up.
The key to say no is assertiveness. The truth is that it is not easy but it is worth it. If one is not assertive, one runs the risk of living the life of others and not one’s own. Life offers us a thousand opportunities to take assertiveness into account.
Especially if we often say yes to everything, the people around us will initially be disappointed or even angry about a no. Don’t let this put you off, you will learn to deal with these reactions.
Because even if the beginning is difficult — for a more self-determined life it is worth accepting such reactions. Be always friendly, yes, but be also assertive and learn to say no- to your colleagues, to your family, and to your friends.
At the end of the day, solid relationships will not suffer from a NO but you will be ultimately more in control of your life and focused on what you really want to commit.
That’s it! These are my 10 Favorite Tips in order to develop better overall resilience and master the art of staying calm even under the most strained circumstances. Have a happy journey and do not forget to learn a lot, keep smiling and stay always positive!
